do not fear you are not lonely old child, can’t you see you have everything you ever needed. you just don’t know it yet.

you told me that once. i am standing here listening to a memory while stirring my wake-up coffee. the morn is grey. there is a sheen across the trees that holds me tight within my bones.
i am wondering what you ever saw to think that. if you felt a piece of me was aloof or if my eyes revealed what i could not say. i hold a breath to myself and hear you touching the notes on the piano. i am thinking what went wrong. if maybe you had no hair to lose and were 99 years old, you would have lived a thousand lives. breathed a thousand breaths. loved a thousand more. the sadness, the sadness came too soon; and time is still here waiting with me -my only companion. the world moves without a rhythm and i am thinking of an open fire. my soul is queer. i have you. i have you.
-always always R.